The Funny Side of Poker

The Funny Side of Poker

Bringing you a selection of 10 of the best poker jokes from around the web.

Whether winning or losing, we should never forget to see the funny side of poker.  Below is a selection of 10 of the best short, witty poker jokes found in cyberspace. 

Good hand 

A 12 year old boy comes home from school and walks into his parents' room. Mom and dad are in bed making love. The boy asks, "What are you doing?" His dad replies, "Playing poker. Now get out of here." He goes to his older sister's room to find his sister and her boyfriend in bed making love. The boy asks, "What are you doing?" His sister replies, "Playing poker. Now get out of here." He goes to his older brother's room and finds his brother masturbating. He asks his brother, "What are you doing?" His brother replies, "Playing poker." The boy asks, "I thought that it takes two to play poker." His brother replies, "Not if you have a good hand." 

Blonde poker player 

Did you hear about the blond who brought a bag of frozen french fries to a poker game? Someone told her to bring her own chips. 

The poker player's wife 

A group of poker regulars were still playing well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent message. "Bruce, listen," he told the host. "Richard's in the kitchen making love to your wife." "OK, that's it," Richard said. "This is definitely the last deal." 

Shuffling the horses 

Some people seem to have more luck than others. A friend of mine is one of those guys who can almost always draw whatever he needs to win a hand in poker, yet he loses big at the races. I asked him why this was the case, and he replied, "Well... they won't let me shuffle the horses." 

Poker doctors 

A doctor answers his phone to the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!" 

Poker-playing dog 

Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets. "The brightest dog I ever had," said one, "was a Great Dane that could play cards. He was a whiz at poker, but I had him put to sleep." 

"You had him put to sleep, a bright dog like that? A dog like that would be worth a million dollars." 

"Had to," the man replied. "Caught him using marked cards!" 

Poker Cheatin' 

Four cowboys were at playing poker. A lot of money was at stake as the cards were dealt, and each was keeping a close eye on the other. As one of the players called the hand and laid out his cards, another one stood up in amazement. "Hey, George is cheatin'. He ain't playin' the cards I dealt him!" 

The Leprechaun 

A guy was playing Texas holdem and was down about 300 dollars when he looked and saw a little green leprechaun under the table. "Quit playing poker forever right now and I'll give you a pot of gold worth a million dollars," said the little fellow. The player replied, "Let me get even first." 

Pack up your things 

A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his wife waiting for him furious. "Where the hell have you been?" she asked. "You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he said. "I've just lost you in a card game." "How did you manage to do that?" "It wasn't easy, honest. I had to fold with a royal flush." 

Poker pups 

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance. "This is a very smart dog," the man said. "Not so smart," said one of the players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail." 

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