Musk vs Zuckerberg at the Colosseum: The Ultimate Billionaire Slap Fight
Published July 2, 2023 by Shane
Join us as we revel in the idea that we could soon see Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg step out from behind their keyboard to battle it in the octagon. Even more insane, it could take place at the Colosseum in Rome!
The year is 2023, the world weather patterns run amok, technology is fast approaching Skynet levels of sentience, and even beer commercials have become politicised. Then out of the ether arises the one true unifier, the news that two pasty white billionaires want to tickle-fight each other for our entertainment!
Will Musk rocket punch The Zuck to the moon and back, or will The Zuck unleash an army of AI-controlled Facebook drones to shoot down Musk’s hopes of winning? Let’s delve into the silliest fight the MMA has ever toyed with to find out!
Are They Really Ready to Rumble?
As with any world title fight, even the battle for the Richest Generic White Guy deserves respect. After all, these are titans of industry, veterans of economic warfare, and if they are willing to get hot and sweaty in the octagon, it must be for a good cause!
The answer is no, not really. This is all just about ego.
After months of snippy comments about which of these exceptionally wealthy nerds runs the safer, more open, and less government-tinged social media platform, Elon Musk tweeted the following when "warned" that Mark Zuckerberg does jujitsu:
“@elonmusk: I’m up for a cage match if he is lol”
Not deigning to defile his laptop with the stink of Twitter, Zuckerberg responded to Musk via an Instagram Story with the following piece of poetry:
“Send Me Location”
Those were the words that launched a thousand memes! Within hours Twitter and Facebook were inundated with many hilarious responses and bad Photoshop jobs of these two ghost-white keyboard warriors duking it out for glory and honour.
The Oddest Tale of the Tape
Yes, both Musk and Zuckerberg are geniuses, but the idea of them engaging in hand-to-hand combat is hilarious.
Imagine Michael Buffer introducing our combatants, starting with Musk:
“In the blue check-mark corner, hailing from the depths of genius and electric charisma, weighing in at an astronomical net worth of $240 billion, Elon "Memecoin King" Musk! This 51-year-old South African-born visionary has conquered space exploration, sold you electric vehicles, and managed to make Twitter great again.”
Then hailing Zuckerberg, saying:
“In the virtual corner, hailing from the money-wasting halls of The Metaverse, weighing in at a jaw-dropping net worth of $120 billion, Mark "The Connection" Zuckerberg! This 39-year-old American visionary invented social networking, scraped personal data from around the globe, and roleplays Star Trek’s Data in real life – all while secretly learning jujitsu!”
The utter insanity of the situation has reached incredible heights, with world-famous fighters and personalities offering to train these two for the event.
UFC legend Georges St-Pierre Tweeted Musk his support and his skills as a trainer, saying:
"I'm a huge fan of yours, and it would be an absolute honour to help you and be your training partner for the challenge against Zuckerberg."
Popular podcaster, and jujitsu-fan, Lex Friedman posted a video of himself and Zuckerberg practising jujitsu together. Since Friedman is a blackbelt, this was no gentle roll in a gi.
However, nothing is so absurd that betting fans won’t play the odds. Given his recent win in a jujitsu competition, bookmakers are heavily favouring Zuckerberg as the winner:
- 1XBet has Zuckerberg as the odds-on favourite at 1.14, with 5.00 for Musk.
- Bovada offers -150 on Zuckerberg and +110 on Musk for the win.
- 22 Bet has Zuckerberg winning by KO/TKO at 5.25 versus 13.00 for Musk
On the other hand, Twitter is backing its overlord, with most fan polls falling favouring the Memecoin King.
History’s Geekiest Gladiators
While the internet saw the challenge as a way to blow off steam, others asked the most burning question of them all: “How can I monetise this madness?”
Naturally, Dana White, a man never short of ideas on how to turn even the most ridiculous playground activity into a multi-billion dollar industry – check out the meteoric rise of his SlapFight Championship – checked in with the vitamin D-deprived fighters to lock in the bout.
Commenting on his conversations with Musk and Zuckerberg, White said:
"I was talking to both Elon and Mark last night; both guys are absolutely dead serious about this. This would be the biggest fight ever in the history of the world, bigger than anything that's ever been done. It would break all pay-per-view records.”
AI Illustration of Musk vs Zuckerberg at the Arena:
While we feel that White is short-changing historic bouts like George Foreman versus Muhammad Ali, Kane versus The Undertaker, and of course, King Kong versus Godzilla, we do get his point that it would be a groundbreaking fight.
What boggles the mind is that even the Italian government is on board with seeing these two tech billionaires battle it out with an offer to host the cage fight at the most historic battleground of all time, the Colosseum!
Regardless of whether they kickbox, arm wrestle, play poker, or hug it out, doing so in the Colosseum would officially make them gladiators!
